After having Miss E, I suffered from postpartum depression. I am not ashamed to say it because this is a topic that is not talked about enough. People see you as weak, if you tell them that you suffered from depression, or they think that you don’t love your precious baby. It’s neither of those; it is one of things you just can’t explain.
When I had my baby girl I felt so alone, although I had my husband I still felt alone. I didn’t have any family there for support. No one there to show me the ropes. it really felt like no one cared that I was having a baby. That was not how I imagined it. I thought I would be getting tons of phone calls, text messages and well wishes from my family, but I received barely anything. It felt like no one was there. Most of them said ” Oh, I didn’t want to call because I knew you were busy with the baby,” but how would they have even known if they didn’t try. I felt like that was a crappy excuse.
After I was discharged from the hospital, the “Real World” started. We were going to have to do this on our own. There was no one there to help me through the night beside my husband, but we were new parents. We would have loved someone to show us the ropes. “Why the heck isn’t there a baby manual,” I cried to myself at 2 am while my baby wanted to nurse.
Nursing – oh my gosh; no one told me the REAL truth about nursing. No one told me that sh*t hurt, and my skin would peel like a got a third degree burn, and that my milk may not come in for a couple of days. Rewind back to nursing in the hospital. Oh my baby girl had an excellent latch, but I just didn’t have much milk. She was constantly crying because she was hungry, which made me feel like a failure. I felt like I brought this beautiful baby in this world, and I could not provide her with proper nourishment. ” WHY IS MY BODY FAILING ME,” I cried in the hospital restroom, because I didn’t want anyone to know I was crying. After having to supplement with formula, my baby girl was finally full, but the staff at the hospital turned their noses up at me because I asked for formula. What the heck, I couldn’t just let her cry for 5 days. Finally my milk came in, almost 6 six days after giving birth. So I nursed my sweet baby, and pumped to ensure that I could establish my milk supply. Again, no one told me about the pain of pumping. FYI, pumping is very demanding. I was pumping 9 times a day for 45- 60 mins, yeah I felt like a cow.
On to feeling like a cow. I felt super fat and full of fluid after being hooked up to fluids for 4 days. My legs doubled in size from the time I checked into the hospital. I had my baby and thought my stomach was going to go down in a couple weeks. LIES! I guess that’s what I get for looking at all those postpartum updates on YouTube and Instagram. What the heck, I still look pregnant. I didn’t feel attractive. I cried and cried and cried. I wanted my body back so bad. I know it sounds vain, but it is the truth and if no one else will say it, I will.
I overcame postpartum the depression with help of my dear husband. This man is the truth. I was at my breaking point. At this point I was crying because I was crying. Then I was crying because I didn’t want to be crying. I lost my appetite, I pretty much didn’t eat anything for a couple weeks after giving birth. Not because I want to loose weight but depression had taken it away.
This was too much, so one day I said enough was enough. I took authority over this situation. I was fed up, when my husband came home from work , I got down on my knees and asked him to pray for me. I needed a healing prayer. I felt disconnected from my God. I knew that it was an attacked of the enemy, because I wanted to speak a word over myself,however I had no word. . I needed help and fast. Once my husband prayed for me I felt chains breaking off, but it wasn’t instant. I had to do the work. I started praying more, more and more. It felt like enemy had robbed me of my biblical knowledge,but the one thing I knew I had prayer. I did just that, and those dark days started becoming brighter. I was getting closer to GOD, and reconnecting with him. I know most people would say , why weren’t you reading the word. “Having you ever had a newborn?”, I didn’t have time to get in the word like I want too.
Listen, this world would like for you to think suffering from postpartum depression means you are weak,and that you aren’t a Christian, and blah blah blah. This isn’t true, this is an attacking of the enemy. The spirit of depression had come into my house, and thought that I was going to let it stay. WRONG! I have the ability to take authority over it. Speak life over yourself. ( Proverbs 18:21,Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.). This is not the end , you too will over come this! -Peace and Love